There has been "drama" around every bend and people have been looking to me to put out the fires. It is all well and good that people see me as capable of assisting in putting out these drama fires however it can get taxing after awhile as well as facing the possibility of getting burned due to someone else's drama.... Granted, this goes back to me finding it difficult to say "no" to those around me - - I don't have to always be the one to help put out these fires, but I still find it difficult to utter that single syllable word - "no."
It's not that I want to say no to everyone/every situation however I know that if I don't learn to also take some time to relax, I am going to (for lack of a better term) spontaneously combust. I have come to the realization (finally) that I have to be the one to draw limits because no one else is going to do it for me. I don't have someone here to point out that I'm burning the candle at both ends. I don't have someone here to help me de-stress. I have to do those things for myself. I'm not quite sure how I'm going to do those things yet; I just know that I'm going to have to.
Something I have written about before is, I often get so caught up in trying to take care of others that I often forget to take care of myself as well. I mean, today I was sitting here at my computer attempting to get some work stuff done and the next thing I knew it was about two and a half hours later... The time didn't fly because I was so focused on my work but because I had fallen asleep at my computer. Needless to say, when I woke up, I put the work away realizing that there was really no point to work on it at home because I was obviously too burned out to truly pay as close attention to the work as necessary. I'm sure the work will get done at some point, one way or another.
I guess I just have to work one more time to find the balance in my life. Find balance between work, dance, things I need to do at my apartment, social life (wait.... what social life??), and trying to find some time to carve out for myself. I'm sure that one of these days everything will fall into place; it's just going to take a little bit more effort on my part. I know that I haven't always been the best one to carve out time for myself but I think I at least made a little bit of effort last week in taking myself to the movies. I guess too I could say that my nap today, even it if was unintentional, was also taking time for myself. Maybe it's all just about putting things into perspective.
Something else that I need to put into perspective (that is going to take some time and effort on my part) is always giving a thousand and ten percent. There are just going to have to be times when I give myself permission to give 85% and be okay with doing so. This goes back to giving myself a break on occasion so I don't completely burn out.
Maybe so I can do something for myself before going to bed, I should power the computer off for tonight and attempt to relax. We'll see if I ever remember how... =)
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