Kindergarten....

When trying to reinvent yourself, where do you start? Do you begin with trying to figure out what you want out of life; what you would like the end result of your transformation to be? How do you go about changing yourself without upsetting those around you? Maybe that's part of why I just stay the same - - - I put the needs of others before my own wants/needs. Another reason I stay the same I think is because I'm not entirely sure who/what I want to be yet....

Thinking back, maybe it partly has to do with a choice I made in Kindergarten. When most Kindergartners are learning to get along with one another, write their names and learn their ABC's and 123's, I decided in Kindergarten that I wanted to be a teacher and have been doing that (in some form or another) for most of my adult life. It's not that I ever want to pass up the opportunity to teach a child something new or to help them reach their potential but is that all I'm meant to do with my life? Don't get me wrong, I LOVE teaching but there are times I wonder if I'm not reaching my own potential.... I know that may be weird circular logic but here I am.....

There are times where I have thought I should help teachers become the best teachers they can be, but then when I have interviewed for those positions, I don't hear back after the interview. So I'm not sure if that's not what I'm supposed to do or just not now. There have been other times when I've thought about going back to school to train to become a child psychologist and help children with their problems. That dream however would take time (since I have a full time job and finding time to study with dancing would take a balancing act) and quite a bit of money (which I don't have right now). So I guess that dream may need to go on the back-burner too.

This past week in my classroom, we used our imaginations all week and looked at different aspects of our imaginations. During the week we were animals/bugs, princesses/princes/dragons/witches/wizards, robots, pirates, and superheroes. We encouraged the kids to imagine what ever they wanted to be. Maybe that's where part of my unrest comes in. Like I said, when I was in Kindergarten, I loved my teacher and I decided then and there that that's what I wanted to be - no other occupation was ever more important to me than that (other than being a full time Mom). Growing up, I heard my friends change their minds a hundred times about what they wanted to be when they "grew-up." Maybe I just haven't "grown-up" yet, despite the fact that I am an adult. While I didn't change my mind growing up, I am looking at some of my different options now (whether they are feasible or not).

I do know that no matter what avenue I may take, I will always want to help children (as well as adults) learning something new or continue to work on an ongoing skill. I think I need to apply that to myself as well.... I need to continue to work on encouraging myself to be the best me that I can (even if I stumble along the way). Whether I stay a teacher or become something else, the constant of me will remain the same. If I don't like/love myself, how can I expect someone else to? Maybe that's a topic for another day though.....