Gonna wash that man right outta my hair....

I've been thinking about that song from South Pacific quite a bit this past week or so. I think it's time to apply it to my life.... I'm at the point now where I need to stop having the wasband dictate MY life. He's been invading my dreams once again and I am ready to find a way to kick him out once and all. Yes, he at one point, was an important focus of my life... Key word there - was. He decided to walk away so I need to find a way to walk away as well. While I know that point in my life (the good times as well as the bad) have brought me to where I am today, but I don't need to allow him to dictate my life now. I get to be who I want to be (even if who I want to be is still in question...).

I'm not entirely sure how I'm going to wash the wasband out of my hair, but maybe just thinking about it is a start. I really do want to move beyond this point but there are days that's easier said than done. I wish it could be as simple as washing him out of my hair.... I guess all I can really do is keep taking it a day at a time and putting one foot in front of the other.

One of the things I may also need to do is something that my dance instructor said this past week. She said, "don't go into your head alone. It's a scary place and you could get lost in there alone. Remember, the voices in your head are NOT cheerleaders! They only say things to tear you down! Don't let them win!" This is something that I really do need to try and work on - I often will over analyze things that are said to me as well as listen to the voices in my head telling me that I'm not good enough. She's right. Those voices aren't my cheerleaders. There are times where I wonder if those voices are just trying to distract me from the different aspects of my personal quest...

Even though I have said it before, I need to be a little bit selfish. This is a concept that I have been finding it difficult to achieve... I am constantly trying to go out of my way to help other people (whether it be to help them personally or professionally) and I lose sight of myself and my needs along the way. Because I am spread thin and overworking myself, my dreams have been invaded and his (the wasband's) voice is pointing out my flaws again. So, like I said, I'm to the point where I really do need to wash him right outta my hair....

Maybe part of these feelings come from today being a holiday and everyone being at my parent's house but me (my sister, her husband and their son; my brother; my other brother and his wife). With being almost 2400 miles away, I know that me being there was an impossibility, but that doesn't mean that I didn't want to be there. It also got me thinking about the family traditions that go along with this time of year. I know that everyone has their own family traditions (most that other people don't understand at all, some you don't even understand and you're part of the family!) but I wish that I could have been with my family. Granted, I did my own version of some of our family traditions but there is something about being with family...

At least when I'm missing my family, I do have my little doggies to show me unconditional love. I think that I am going to bring this to a close and snuggle with the doggies some before going to bed. Maybe take a shower and work on washing that man right outta my hair before bed as well.... =)