Good-byes

This weekend I went out with a group of ladies to say "good-bye" to a good friend. She and her family are getting ready to move to the other side of the country. It was kind of a bittersweet get together. I am going to miss her but I am glad for her and her upcoming opportunities/possibilities.

For me though, personally, going out is a bit of a challenge. I often feel as if I'm an ugly duckling in the midst of a group of swans. Not because I see myself as "ugly" per se however I feel as if everyone is looking at me to determine why I am with the others in the group. I am the anomaly; so how/why do I fit in with this particular group of individuals? I know that I need to look past the imperfections that I see in myself because they are not necessarily the things that other people see when they look at me. However, that is something else that I find it difficult to say good-bye to...

For as much as I have always hated being so hard on myself, it has been one of the consistent things that has stayed with me over the years. I have often in my life found the "good things" harder to believe about myself. I am always quick to point out the good qualities in others and quick to brush off when someone does compliment me. This is something that I have tried to be introspective of and figure out the "why" behind it. Maybe the why isn't so important.... Maybe just exploring my other options is what's the most important thing.

I don't know. I know that I'm no expert on quests but maybe this is just another facet of mine. I mean, I've heard that you have to love yourself before someone else can love you. It's not that I don't love myself, it's that I am overly critical of myself (I know this). It is something that I am working on but it has become a much slower process than I would like for it to be.

I am working on saying "good-bye" to the negativity in my life but I know that if I want to make a change like that it is going to take some time. It's just like anything else really. It's going to take time to make sure it's done properly. This is just one more alteration that I want to make to my life and have it be a life-long change.

I'm sorry if this entry hasn't been bright and cheerful. These are just some things that have been weighing on my mind/heart lately and it doesn't necessarily help that I'm still not getting restful sleep at night nor have I been able to get rid of this cold as of yet. I should probably try and head to bed and see if restful sleep comes...