Emotions

Emotions can be a funny thing at times.... You can feel at peace about a particular situation one moment and then in a moment feel completely different about it.

Yes, I am writing about emotions this week for a particular reason. Last week I wrote that I was thankful that I didn't have to deal with my wasband anymore and then, last night, thoughts of him invaded my dreams making it difficult to sleep. Tomorrow would have been our 7 year anniversary....

While I originally thought getting married during the beginning of the Christmas season would be a good thing, now that things went the way they did, I have to work past the emotions this time of year brings about. I'm sure, at some point, this time of year won't affect me (and I didn't necessarily expect it to hit me this hard this year) but I'm not there yet.

Okay, I have calmed down some and will try to take a different approach to this post. I don't want to start over because I don't want to discount how I was feeling earlier but I want to try to look at things from a different perspective.

I can think of what was my wedding day with fond memories even if the marriage didn't go the way I thought it would (ending in divorce). There are a lot of good memories of that day (and the days/months leading up to that day) and I don't have to discount those happy memories just because things ended with sadness. Everything that I have experienced in my life (good or bad, happy or sad, joy or sorrow...) has led me to the point I am currently and has shaped who I am becoming.

I know that I haven't reached my destination as of yet and my steps may be shaky along the way but all I can do is keep putting one foot in front of the other. There are times where it will be steps forward or steps back but movement is movement. I am also trying to realize that all of the things that have happened (and will continue to happen) in my life are making me who I am becoming. I have been reminded that God didn't always promise things would be perfect in our lives because without the rain you can't appreciate the sunshine or have a rainbow.

I am going to try to remember that tomorrow (since I have no idea how tomorrow will go) and in the upcoming weeks. I have to remember to just "keep swimming" and that "there is a joy in the journey."