Thankful

I was lucky enough to spend Thanksgiving at my belly dance instructor's house and share in the day with 13 wonderful people. There was a lot of food, laughter and good conversation.

Working with kids, we talked a lot this past week about what it meant to be thankful and we talked with them about what they were thankful for. One of the kids turned the question to me and they asked me what I was thankful for.... That got me thinking..... Yes, I am thankful for family and friends; my health; a roof over my head; my dogs; etc.... But I came to the conclusion that this year, one of the things that I am most thankful for is I no longer have to deal with my wasband and all of the "junk" he has put me through.

After he left (and even after he had me served with divorce papers), I desperately clung to the hope that I would be able to "win" him back. If I just tried harder, if I was good enough, if I..., If I... If I....... Then I had to come to the realization that I wanted the man that I thought he was, not necessarily the man that he ended up being inside. I also had to come to the realization that I couldn't change him (even if I wanted to), I could only change myself and how I was reacting to the situation. Now, I don't have to deal with him or his insecurities any longer.

Yes, thoughts of him creep up from time to time but I don't find myself having thoughts of him nearly as often as I once did. Plus, some of the thoughts that I've had, I think come from the idea of being with someone, not necessarily the wasband himself. Yes, I loved him, or I loved him for who I thought he was; the man that he allowed me to see. As I've stated before, the man I thought he was, may not have been his true self.

Another thing that I have been thankful for is the fact that I have realized a lot about myself in the last two years. Honestly, some of that can be attributed to my wasband as well. After he left, I decided I couldn't continue on as things had been and I took myself to see a therapist. Throughout my visits with the therapist, I was forced to deal with aspects of my past that I thought I had locked away. The dangers of locking away powerful emotions or happenings from your past is they have a tendency to creep up when you least expect them. However, at this point, I can say that I have dealt with those issues and I can now grow from my experiences that have made me who I am today.

One of the things that I did over the Holiday weekend is I went to the movies with a friend of mine. We went to go see the movie "Burlesque" and I truly enjoyed it! One of the songs in the movie was a solo by Cher and it struck something deep inside of me. The song is called "You Haven't Seen the Last of Me" and the lyrics are:

Feeling broken

Barely holding on


But there’s just something so strong


Somewhere inside me


And I am down but I’ll get up again


Don’t count me out just yet

I’ve been brought down to my knees


And I’ve been pushed way past the point of breaking


But I can take it


I’ll be back


Back on my feet


This is far from over


You haven’t seen the last of me


You haven’t seen the last of me

They can say that
I won’t stay around


But I’m gonna stand my ground


You’re not gonna stop me


You don’t know me

You don’t know who I am


Don’t count me out so fast

I’ve been brought down to my knees


And I’ve been pushed way past the point of breaking


But I can take it


I’ll be back


Back on my feet


This is far from over


You haven’t seen the last of me

There will be no fade out


This is not the end


I’m down now


But I’ll be standing tall again


Times are hard but
I was built tough


I’m gonna show you all what I’m made of

I’ve been brought down to my knees


And I’ve been pushed way past the point of breaking


But I can take it


I’ll be back


Back on my feet


This is far from over


I am far from over


You haven’t seen the last of me

No no


I’m not going nowhere


I’m staying right here


Oh no


You won’t see me begging


I’m not taking my bow


Can’t stop me


It’s not the end


You haven’t seen the last of me


Oh no


You haven’t seen the last of me


You haven’t seen the last of me

I'll just have to keep working on applying those thoughts to my life....