Restless nights....

I don't know about any of you, but there are nights that I really wish that I could turn off the thoughts in my head when I turn off the light on my nightstand... I have had a couple of nights of tossing and turning and that doesn't equate to very restful sleep. It doesn't help sleep when you are crunching numbers and worried whether or not you are making the right decisions.... Let me explain.

I interviewed for a job on the opposite coast of where I am currently living and they called me at the end of last week to offer it to me. However, when I first interviewed, they were unsure of what age group they were going to have me working with (yes, I am an educator by day, belly dancer by night). Now that they have officially offered me the position, they have told me what age group they would be placing me with and it's not an age group I would like to work with at this point. They are also offering me just a little more an hour than I'm making now and I don't know if it warrants a cross-country move.

While it would be a slight promotion, I am looking at the financial aspects associated with such a move but also the other things I would be sacrificing as well. One of the things I would be sacrificing is my dance troupe; while there are other belly dance troupes throughout the country, there isn't another troupe like the one I belong to now. Dance troupe aside, the financial numbers just don't add up. Not only would I have to find the money to move, I would also have to find money for first/last month's rent (as well as a pet deposit since I have my two "babies") and I just don't know where that money would magically come from... I would also have to find the money to live on... With the salary they quoted me, along with pricing I have found on-line for housing costs, I would have just over $100 a month for food (for me and doggie food), gas, and household expenses (the necessities - toilet paper, shampoo, laundry detergent, etc.). While I have gotten semi-creative with finances, I don't know if I could be that creative...

So, I guess, once again, I stay put and hope for better to come along. I have people offering me their opinions on both sides of the argument and I finally just had to go with my gut. My gut tells me that even though this would be a step up career-wise, it's not worth it necessarily for me right at this point. Someday? Maybe. I created a pros/cons list for this situation and the $83 additional per month before taxes just didn't win over the other things in my life that have become important to me. I am not looking forward to calling tomorrow to let them know that I have chosen to decline the offer but I feel as if it's something I need to do.

I can hear my Dad telling me one his mantras, "Isn't being a grown-up fun?" When it comes to doing things like this my answer is definitely "no!" Granted, I know that things like this add to my life experience and all but I feel I have had enough life experience for awhile with everything I've gone through... All I can do I guess is continue to face things one thing at a time and not worry about the "what ifs." If I believe that I am making the right decision, I need to stick by my decision and then accept what goes along with my decision.

That being said, I hope I am able to sleep a little better tonight.