- I have made it through year one post-divorce and I am working on it not defining me; there are times where the realization of it all still hits me (and I'm sure a part of me will always be affected by it), it's not necessarily as traumatic as it once was
- while I am still living among boxes (and not overly enjoying it), I have completed my fabric "wall" and I absolutely LOVE IT!!
- even though my first potential job fell through (where I thought I was moving a year ago), I have continued to do my job here to the best of my ability and haven't necessarily given up on my job search as of yet
- while I still miss the "comfy-ness" of my old couch (the one my wasband selected when we were married), I realize now that I might now get lost in it; or at least have difficulty getting up after sitting there due to my change in size (smaller is better) =)
- realizing that I was ANGRY with my wasband for convincing me that my weight gain and the size that I had gotten to was "okay" because, in his words, there was just "more of (me) to love"
- coming to terms with also being ANGRY with my wasband for telling me that no matter my size, I was still as beautiful as the day he married me; and the sad part is, because my self-esteem was so low, I believed him. I began to see myself through his eyes and started to convince myself that I was "okay" how I was. When he left me, my eyes were opened and I began to hate myself - - this is something I am really working on changing...
- realizing that even though I didn't want the divorce initially, it's probably best for me that it happened when it did - - and I have realized that knowing how things have ended up, I would still marry the wasband again because all of the choices I made have lead me to the path I am on today
- there are days where I still find it difficult to believe that I actually have lost right around 100 pounds (and find it really difficult to believe that I had that and more to actually lose)
- I am working on throwing off the layers of my insecurities and allow people to see the "real" me
- I have learned that it is not necessarily a weakness to cry
- it is also not necessarily a sign of weakness to ask for help when I need it
- I am working on being able to accept compliments (something that has never been an easy thing for me)
- while I'm not there yet, I am working on trying to find a "balance" between my day-to-day activities
- there are times I really enjoy having my "own space" (even if it's rented and essentially in someones basement), there are times I get lonely, even with my two dogs
- although I still have moments where I think it might be a good idea to hop into my car and continue to drive until I reach the ocean and continue to drive, those moments are becoming less frequent
- I have amazed myself (and others) with the apartment "upgrades" I have done - cleared a rat sized clog from my sink, re-caulked the bathtub, added a rain-head shower head to my shower, assembled and put up my fabric "wall", and who knows what I'll come up with next =)
- SUPER excited that I have discovered my passion for belly dance (thanks, Mom!!) and the fact that I am good at it
- I have taken myself to the movies a couple of times and while I don't think it will be an all the time thing, I have enjoyed it when I have done it
- successfully have changed the windshield wipers on my car without assistance
- realizing that I have to work on liking/loving myself before anyone else can
- facing some of the truly awful things from my past by admitting that I needed to go to counseling (and I actually went)
- recognizing that while I may have worked on some of the issues from my past, they won't just go away, I will bring them into any future relationships and they will be something to work on then as well
- realizing that while I may have "impossible dreams" at times, that doesn't mean that I can't strive for them anyway
- recognizing that even though I may want answers, it's probably a good thing that I don't know all of the answers or know what my future may hold
- writing my blog has helped connect me to family/friends as well as being therapeutic for myself
While this may not be 50 or more pieces of "evidence of quest worthiness" I think it is important for me to recognize what I have learned and the accomplishments I have made in the last year. As someone wise told me, you can't continue to grow if you don't recognize the accomplishments that you have achieved along the way. So, I give myself a pat on the back.
Thank you to all of you who have joined me along my quest thus far and I am looking forward (as I hope you are too) to seeing where this next year of blogging may lead me. =)
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