Yesterday in my belly dance class we worked very hard on two particular pieces. The first hour we worked on a piece that can be considered upbeat and athletic. After working on that piece for an hour, we ran through our 13-minute program for a performance we have coming up and then spend the remainder of the second hour working on another particular piece. The piece we worked on in the second hour requires the use of two veils. A belly dance veil is most often a piece of silk that is three yards long (so we were using a combined total of six yards of silk) - doesn't sound too bad, right? WRONG!! Working with a veil is physically exhausting (a total arm/upper body workout) and the music is often very emotional. The piece of music that my troupe uses for its double veil dance is particularly draining for me emotionally...
I don't know what it is about this particular piece of music but it reminds me of the disintegration of my marriage; specifically after the wasband left. The way the music sounds to me is (belly dance music is subjective and changes from person to person listening), it begins sad, goes to angry, back to sad and then ends with a sigh of contentment. Going through that piece over and over and over for an hour left me completely drained emotionally. I will just have to continue to listen to the piece so it doesn't take over my emotions. I know that veil dances are supposed to be emotional dances but I don't want to end up performing it one day and break down in tears because my emotions take over. Maybe I just need to allow it to happen at home one day and get it out of my system...
I'm not sure if it's the music we are using for veil or just veil work in general but I don't know if it's necessarily for me. My Mom suggested that I may need to find a different type of music (relaxation or yoga music) to just practice using my veil to - a piece that I don't have an emotional connection to and see if that may give me a different perspective of veil dancing. I want to be a well-rounded belly dancer so it's something that I may need to look into.
My belly dance instructor did say something neat about me this past week; we were working on some difficult moves and my instructor said that she understands that these moves are difficult and she then said they were difficult for everyone but me because I must have been a belly dancer in a previous life or two. I then said that was a neat thought but I work on the moves just as hard and will often work on them at home especially if I am struggling with a specific move.
Another thing my instructor told me is I'm not a "baby dancer" anymore and that I am now in the advanced class. I said that many times I feel like I need to be with the baby dancers again and she (as well as another advanced dancer) told me "no." In a way it's nice to be classified with the more advanced dancers after less than a year of dance training but it can sometimes be intimidating as well. All I can continue to do is my best and keep dancing for the sheer joy of it.
I love the way that dancing makes me feel and why not continue to do it - even if/when it gets difficult....
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