There are some other things I have decided I don't like either but it comes to not liking having to do them alone. I have decided that I hate sleeping alone. Three nights this last week, when my alarm has gone off, I have been lying crosswise across the bed. I have found that this doesn't make for a very restful night. I also have decided that I hate grocery shopping alone. Grocery shopping with someone else helps decide what you might like to eat in advance - cooking for one is not too exciting in my opinion. Maybe I just need to get more creative with the things that I am cooking...
I guess one of the things that it nice about sleeping alone is, now that it is warming up, it's not too warm in the bed to sleep. Even though it is wonderful to sleep in the arms of the one you love, it is also nice to sleep in a nice cool bed. I guess that's a contradiction... That's okay. I don't mind being a contradiction... =)
Another contradiction is while I enjoy my job, it was REALLY nice having last Monday off of work. I didn't even do anything exciting with my day off but it was nice to have a day that I could do whatever I wanted. While some people would say that happens every weekend, I seem to have something to do each weekend. Maybe I'll just have to see about taking a day off of work and just drive somewhere so I don't have to worry about doing anything. We'll just have to see if I actually do it or not...
This weekend, when I was looking for something, I came across a letter that someone had written me a number of years ago. In a way it was nice to be reminded about what was in the letter but it also made me feel sad. In the letter, the person had mentioned three couples (my wasband and I were one of the couples mentioned) and now, all of those marriages have ended in divorce for one reason or another. That is a depressing statistic in my opinion. If I enter into another relationship, I will make my wishes known that I don't ever want to go through another divorce - - especially if there are children involved.
Seeing my friends with their children or expecting children, reiterates my desire to have children of my own some day. If I have children someday, I definitely wouldn't want to drag them through a divorce. From working with kids, I have seen what divorce can do to a child and I wouldn't want that for my own children. Someone asked me if I have considered adoption, for the outside chance I don't find someone to spend my life with. While I would be open to adopting a child, I would like to ensure their future before I do so. Living in a tiny apartment and still paying debt off from my failed marriage, isn't a situation I would necessarily want to bring a child into. I know that having a child (naturally or through adoption) is a feeling like no other but it is also a responsibility. I think I should have more of "me" figured out before I bring a child into my life.
While I am working on figuring out "me," there are days where I feel like I take a step forward and others where I take two steps back. I am thankful for the days where I feel as if I am making progress along my journey. On the other hand, I am working on not beating myself up too much for the days I don't make any progress or even feel as if I go backwards. Something else to show me that I am still on my journey.
Another life lesson from belly dance - - my instructor has reminded us that there is magic in the world around us if we open our eyes and look. She has also reminded us in our choreography the destination isn't as important as the journey to get there. I am working on applying that to my life as well...
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