I don't know if any of you out there reading have felt as if the world is still moving as you are desperately trying to play catch up... And anytime you do catch up, you stumble a little (or a lot) and then have to play catch up again. That's kind of where I am in my quest. I felt as if I had "caught up" to certain aspects of my life and was working towards moving on and I've now tripped. Not just tripped, but skinned my knees and palms in the process.
I know that I will be okay and these are only "flesh wounds" but annoying none the less. I know that only I can let these minor irritations affect me if I let them, but when you first fall down the wounds sting/hurt and it takes time for that pain to go away. It worsens when you feel that pain in your heart.
There have been things that I found out this week that have been a blow to my healing heart and it made some of the pain from those injuries reappear. It's almost like using lemon juice and finding out you have a paper-cut on your finger; you didn't think using the lemon juice was going to hurt and then it did. Part of me wonders why I let the news I found out this week affect me; but then another part says, "it did affect you, so why analyze the pain? Find a way to work through it again. You survived the first time and you will again." Unfortunately saying it and doing it are two different things...
While there are times where I wish I could turn my feelings on and off like I would a light switch, it's just not something that I can do. Maybe that wouldn't be a good thing after all because without pain can you truly appreciate passion? Without pain can you truly appreciate happiness? Without pain can you truly be thankful for the good things in your life? I guess I will just, once again, have to use this experience to improve myself along my quest.
When I find out news that I wasn't expecting, I have a tendency to then over-analyze the situation(s) leading up to that unexpected news. Then, in that "over-analyzation" mode, I often will then focus on the "what if's......" In my head I know that learning from the past is a good thing but I also have to remember I don't want to live in the past because I then will miss out of what the future has in store for me.
I guess I just have to think of it in terms of just because I may fall down and scrape my knees and palms if I'm running, will I stop running? No. If I bump into my couch and give myself a bruise will I stop sitting on the couch? No. Just because I've had bumps and bruises to my heart in my marriage that resulted in divorce, does that mean I will never put my heart out there again? No. I would love to get married again, but that may mean bumps and bruises along the way... I guess I'll just have to get a well-stocked first aid kit... =)
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