=)

Today was another belly dance performance for me. =) The troupe performed at a street festival for a dedicated crowd huddled in their coats and under umbrellas (it was cold and rainy - - we were performing on an outside stage under a tent). I envied them huddled in their blankets especially since the wind was blowing the cold rain on us poor half-naked belly dancers... It was a fun performance but I came home afterwards and immediately changed into sweatpants and a sweatshirt. It has rained most of the day, so I have tried to stay warm and cozy inside (my dogs are curled up beside me and I think they appreciate staying warm and cozy on this chilly, rainy day).

I have decided, while I will never truly be a "girly girl," I do enjoy getting dressed up and participating in belly dance performances. It's all about becoming someone else inside of me and it's a part of me I am just beginning to explore. My instructor gave me a copy of the dance from last weekend before class yesterday. When I got home after running some errands, I watched the DVD. After the initial shock, I watched myself dance. It was like I was watching someone else. Part way through watching my performance, I found there were tears in my eyes. The tears came from feeling so proud of myself. I am proud of myself for doing a solo after only dancing for approximately 4.5 months. Sure, there were things I wish I could go back and change (as my instructor told me, I need to work on smiling more when I'm dancing and I would agree with that) but the fact I performed a solo at all is HUGE!

Another thing I am proud of myself for is for one of the thoughts I shared with my instructor. She had sent me some photos via e-mail from the performance last weekend. When I thanked her for sending me the photos, I told her that looking at the photos reminded me of how I felt the night of the performance - - I actually felt beautiful. For those of you out there reading who know me, you know what a big deal that is for me.

As I have shared before, I haven't always had the greatest self-esteem but it is something I am working on. Belly dance has helped me work on this part of my quest. While there are still moments where I may look at how I look and say "ugh!" there are other times where I tell myself that I have the curves of a belly dancer and I should be proud of those curves. I am working on being proud of my curves and making myself healthier overall. These are feelings I may not have ever reached hearing that I was "okay" how I was.... In one aspect, I am glad that I have had the opportunity to reach these conclusions (even if I had to deal with everything I have the last year and a half).

Once again, even more things I'm learning from belly dance....... =)