Why not be me?

I had someone approach me at church today and tell me that she wants to go clothes shopping with me.  I saw that as a real compliment since I have my own signature style.  Today I was wearing black and white vertical striped pants, a black tunic top, a long textured fuchsia vest and sandals with black beads and clear rhinestones.  Now, I'm sure a lot of people would say, "wow, that's a lot of outfit" but I was happy with it and that's what important.  The woman who I was talking to about my outfit gave me a boost of confidence since she herself has a very classic style but she said that she wished she could dress more like me.  Lately I had been questioning some of my style and I was glad to have it validated.

Since I worked a six-day work week, I decided to indulge and took myself on a date last night.  I took myself to the movies which is one of my vices.  I think one of the reasons I like the movies so much is I can say I've been in a social situation but I don't have to worry about the anxiety I feel in more conventional social situations.  I got to the theatre early since the movie I went to see had just come out this past week and there was hardly anyone in the theatre until right before the movie started.  A group of younger people sat behind me and they were making rude comments that I was doing my best to ignore.  I could hear them talking about the "lonely lesbian whale" sitting in front of them.  There were many assumptions in that one statement and I was impressed that I was able to tune them out.  I find it frustrating that teens think it's okay to make comments like that about people...

While I didn't want to take what they said to heart, I kind of did.  I don't understand why people make assumptions based on how I look.  I know that I could stand to lose some weight but just because I have short/shaved hair, that doesn't make me a lesbian.  I know that teens can be cruel; I remember what middle school and high school was like.  I do have to make my peace with teenagers as I am currently responsible for the teen side of the building at work.  The person who was in charge of overseeing the teens was the also the sports coordinator and she recently had her position split to just being the sports coordinator - so someone has to take on the teens; and per my boss, that gets to be me.

When I was at work yesterday, I talked with two out of the three teen staff to see if we could change some of the things happening in the teen program.  One of the things that definitely needs to change is, we need to make that side of the building a place the teens want to come and hang out.  I don't know if it's just our teens or teens everywhere but they are obsessed with role playing board games that take place in a different realm/world.  I gave the staff a challenge to pass along to the teens - why not rename the teen side of the building as their own realm and make the doors into some sort of a portal - along with the challenge, they're not allowed to name it after someplace that already exists in a game/book/movie/etc; it has to be original.  I'm hoping that the teens/staff embrace this challenge because I think it could be a lot of fun to see what they come up with.  I think it's important to encourage that creativity and for them to have a place that they feels belongs to them.

I'm hoping that if I can help them discover a place that belongs to them, I can also discover a place that belongs to me.  I also hope to one day find a place that can accept me for me and where I don't feel as if I have to squelch my personality/style in order to please others.  What I need to do is grab my muchness with both hands and run with it so I can let my freak flag fly again.  I think, once again, I have felt the need to take the flag down and pack it away so others can be happy; by doing so, I'm not happy.

Well, my dear readers, as I contemplate some of these things, I am going to bring this to a close for this evening.  The kiddos here are on Spring Break for the next two weeks so that means I am facing 12 hour work days starting at just after 6 am so I should probably decide what I'm going to wear tomorrow, get some food together for the day and head to bed.  I hope you have a good week and I'll catch you on the flip side - thank you for joining me!  =)