Afraid...

Because it is the time of year for Haunted Houses, spooky costumes, creepy movies, etc., kids in my program are talking about what they're afraid of.  They are talking about it amongst themselves, they're asking the staff and me, "what are you afraid of?"  They think it's funny that I'm afraid of (okay... petrified of) spiders and snakes.  What I don't tell them is some of the other things that I'm afraid of...  I'm afraid of failing.  I'm afraid of not being good enough.  I'm afraid of losing me....

This past week has been a roller coaster ride for me and while I enjoy some roller coasters (mostly old wooden ones), for the most part, I'm not a fan of most of them.  I don't know if that comes from feeling completely and utterly out of control while on them or what it is but I don't always enjoy them even though I used to when I was younger.  Maybe some of it also comes from feeling as if I don't fit on them and I'm just waiting for the safety mechanisms to fail.  Needless to say, because of all of these factors, feeling as if my life is a roller coaster adds to my stress levels.

One of the things I've been dealing with involves work and two of my staff.  In two different instances, I had to talk with them individually concerning their interpretations of what was said and then talking to the other staff about it rather than approaching the source of information - me.  I know that the boss can sometimes be "scary/unapproachable" but it's always better to find out what someone said and they mean versus trying to guess what was said and come up with your own interpretation.  I have been guilty of doing this myself but I have really be making an effort to incorporate the phrase (especially when emotions are running high), "so what I hear you saying is..." and then repeating back to them what you heard.  I introduced this to both staff members and they looked at me as if it was a completely foreign concept - even though I've said it in conversation to both of them.  Go figure...

My boss is coming back this week after being at a week-long conference so I'm sure she's going to want to meet with me at some point this upcoming week on top of everything else I have going on.  My operations clerk will be at a training for a few days this week, we've opened up basketball registration (and my sports coordinator is off tomorrow and Friday), updated paperwork is due from all of the families this week, I get to work for my sports coordinator this upcoming Saturday (because she asked for the day off) and I have all of my work to accomplish...  I also have a new food service worker that is being trained so she's potentially going to need some assistance in the kitchen on top of everything else...  I really don't want to have to work any more hours than I already do (in addition to an additional day) but I just might have to in order to get everything done.

In an effort to work through some of the overcrowding in my mind, I am attempting to teach myself loom knitting.  I am starting by making myself a scarf but would potentially like to work up to making a shawl or a blanket.  We'll see how ambitious I feel once I continue the scarf.  I started it on Friday after work and I'm about two-thirds done with it at this point.  I love the yarn that I picked - it's shades of fire colors (yellow-orange through dark red).  I am enjoying the process of it all (even if it's been a little frustrating at times) and think I'm going to be super happy when it's all done.  I haven't had a project like this since I was creating cross-stitch baby blankets for my nephews so I'm glad to have something like this to work though some of the things weighing down my mind.

Well my dear readers, I think I'm going to bring this to a close for this evening and see if I can get more rows completed on my scarf before heading to bed.  I hope you have a fantastic week and if you must face your fears, I hope you make it through unscathed.  Thanks for joining me!  =)