Opposition

On Friday the 13th, I opted to treat myself to the movies after work and I went and saw Maleficent (cue ominous music).  I thoroughly enjoyed the movie and the thought that stuck with me was one of the last ones presented.  That thought is that there is a hero and villain that live within certain people - I believe myself to be one of those individuals.  There are days that I feel as if there is the hero/villain opposition within me.

In movies, I have always been drawn to the story line of the "villains" because they seemed more interesting to me.  Sure, there were some of them who weren't my favorites and they came across as evil just to be evil but there were honestly some of them who, to me, seemed to be classified as villains because of the life events that brought them to that point.  Now I'm not saying that justifies their behavior but it does often make their stories capture/keep my attention.  One of my favorite movie quotes is, "I'm not bad, I'm just drawn that way" (Jessica Rabbit; Who Framed Roger Rabbit).  There are times I wonder how my character would come across if my life was a movie...

If someone did chose to make my life into a movie, I hope they're willing to show the long hours I've been putting into work.  For some reason, I decided to count up the number of hours I've worked in the last two weeks and the number was very depressing - I realized that the number of hours I've put in over the last two weeks of work actually equates to three weeks of full time work just about.  In two weeks time I logged approximately 115 hours and there were nights I unfortunately only got about 4 hours of sleep.  This past week has definitely reiterated that I need to find a way to sleep at night especially if I'm going to keep working these insane hours.  Actually, I probably need to find a way to scale back at work but that in and of itself is a whole different issue...

I know part of it is my own fault for not delegating things at work and for falling back on just taking care of things myself in order to make sure that the work gets accomplished.  I feel as if there are so many people counting on me that I feel as if I have to be there and I have to get things done.  I'm not sure why I feel such a personal responsibility to get things accomplished but I do.  What I am starting to realize (once again because I know I've written about it before) is that I'm not going to be able to keep up this breakneck pace for much longer.  Moderation needs to become my mantra because I really don't want to lose it - I need to be the one that keeps it together.

As I've been sitting here writing, another movie quote has come to me; "Life's like a movie.  Write your own ending.  Keep believing.  Keep pretending."  Kermit the frog has some pretty smart lines in that movie.  I have been allowing other people to write my script and I need to take the pen/pencil/keyboard back and write my own story.  I'm not sure how my story is going to read and I know that it might not be a story that other people want to read but it's my story and I need to tell it.  I need to stop censoring myself at times and write what I feel.  This is my 257th post (holy cow, really?!) in just shy of 5 years and there are times I've wondered about some of the things I've written about.  I suppose I just have to keep writing and see where things lead.

Well, my dear readers, I think I'm going to bring this to a close and try and get some sleep tonight.  I'm hoping that the hero surfaces more than the villain this week but only time will tell!  I hope each and every one of you has a great week and can find time to do at least one thing for yourself (and if you have both a hero and villain in you, you get to do two things for you - one for each!).  =)