Beach day

This morning I spent some much needed time at the beach.  I got up today and just decided that I needed to spend some time walking with the sand between my toes, watching/listening to the waves and enjoying the sunshine.  I got there at a pretty decent time (just before 10:30) and the beach was pretty much deserted.  It's always nice spending time at the beach when you don't have to worry about tripping over other people who are there.  I found a log of driftwood on the beach, sat there, did some thinking, took some pictures and just enjoyed myself.  The waves were really crashing upon the shore and the sound of it helped me clear my mind for a bit.  One of the things I wish I would have done differently is I wish I would have taken my binoculars that Mom and Dad bought me for Christmas to use whale watching...  Oh, well.  I'm sure there will be a next time.  I am glad I went early though because after I went to the beach, I went grocery shopping and when I was headed back to my apartment I drove past the beach and it was PACKED!

I've heard the same song on the radio this past week multiple times and one of the lines has been resonating with me (so of course I had to download it).  The line in the song says, "I tried to carry the weight of the world, but I only have two hands."  I think I've heard this song so many times this past week because I need to remember that I only have two hands and I'm not able to carry the weight of the world.  I think that's why I've felt conflicted lately because I've fallen back to trying to carry not only everything for me on my shoulders but weight for lots of others as well.  I need to remind myself that I can say no and not feel guilty if I do.

That's something I've always struggled with.  When I've said no to something, I often then go back and forth on if my decision was the correct one and if I really should have said yes.  I need to remind myself that I can say no like other people do and I don't need to apologize for that decision but I know that I need to stick to it.  I don't need to offer an explanation to my decision to those around me either.  Offering up an explanation is something else that I often do and I don't know if I do so in order to try and convince myself as to why I should change my own mind.  If I've made the decision of no for myself, I need to just leave it at that and say it's good.

I was reminded yesterday to let my freak flag fly and let it fly proudly.  I am a unique individual and I don't have to fit in someone's box of who they think I should be.  At the dance gig I attended yesterday I wore a costume that was outside of my comfort zone but I was trying to embrace the differentness of it.  People around me weren't so supportive.  Because of that, it put me in a very weird place emotionally and I tried my best to push those feelings aside and dance.  I think I was able to do it during the performance (haven't seen the video/photos yet to know for sure) but it really hit me afterwards.  Rather than a really good friend being supportive, she laughed at me.  I was hurt by that.

After that situation, I felt like rolling my flag into a little ball and hiding it away.  I really didn't like feeling that way.  Not only was I frustrated with my friend for feeling this way but I was angry with myself for letting the opinions of others made me feel the need to apologize.  From here on out, I need to let my flag fly and not feel the need to apologize for being me.  I know it's going to take some work on my part to get to that mindset but I'm willing to put in the work to not have a repeat of yesterday.

Well, before I go to bed, I think I'm going to work on my plan of learning how to let my freak flag fly without apologies and putting that plan into action.  I will let you know how that goes...  My dear readers, I hope you have a wonderful week ahead of you and that you find/take advantage of the opportunities to let your personal freak flag fly!  =)