Stronger

This past week started out like every other week by me going to work and thinking that it would be uneventful.  That's where I made my first error....  This past week left me exhausted from all of the running around I needed to do on a daily basis (people called in sick to work which left us with an even tighter schedule than we originally thought).  One day I also ended up working all day with a migraine (which I don't know if it was stress induced, allergy induced or a combination of the two) which was definitely no fun but I survived the day so I guess I can place that in the accomplishment column.  I guess each day that something like this happens shows me that I'm even stronger than I think I am...

With everything that's happened over the last number of years, I don't know why that always seems to surprise me but it does.  Maybe it'll help when I just embrace that concept rather than feeling as if I'm fighting against it all the time.  I know that I'm a strong person and that I always have been so I don't know why I might question that part of me.  Some of that might come from feeling as if other people question me so that causes me to question myself.  One of the goals that I am really going to work on is to not let what others think about me cause me to doubt myself or to change who I am.

I think one of the things that stops me from working on this goal is that I really don't necessarily like to rock the boat.  Yes, there are times that I might talk a "big game" but I often work towards just wanting to fit in.  At this point in my life, maybe I need to realize that there might be a part of me that isn't satisfied with fitting in and that part of me really wants to stand out.  I think I just might need to work on finding out what that balance looks like for me and while I can ask the opinion of others, I need to decide for myself what that balance is going to be.  One of the things I have to realize for myself is that even I've been a certain way that doesn't have to continue to define me -- I have the opportunity to change into whoever I want to become (I just have to realize who that is).

While thinking about the future, I also am drawn to thoughts of the past.  I had asked my Dad yesterday to send me photos from childhood.  After looking at those pictures and remembering some of them (some of them I don't remember because I was so little), it's interesting to realize that part of who I was then is still inside of me and it's up to me to determine if that side of me is something that I want the world to be...  When I was little, I was fearless (I even was fearless enough to turn the water hose on my Grandfather even after he told me that I'd better not... and I'm still here to write about it!) and somehow along the way I've lost some of that fearlessness.  I know some of it is still there but I'd like to get more of it back if that's possible.

Maybe I'll be able to accomplish this when I work more on finding my muchness.  I worked on it some today when I decided to drive around with the top of my convertible down.  It was a gorgeous day here today and it felt wonderful to drive around with the sun on my skin.  I will have to remember to take time to take drives like this when the weather is this nice again.  I know that there is a possibility of beautiful weather this week but my schedule may not allow nice long drives.  I might just have to drop the top of the car even if it's just on the drive from work to home if nothing else...

Well, unfortunately my allergy medication is wearing off and I'm finding it difficult to breathe.  I think I'm going to take some more and relax a bit before heading to bed.  Have a fabulous week, dear readers, and I hope muchness comes your way!  =)