To Do list

It has been a long week....  It seemed to be one thing after another at work this week (and tomorrow intimidates me already because two of my right-hand people at work have the day off) and while the extra hours are nice for my paycheck, I'm exhausted.  While most people have no trouble sleeping after long and busy days, I am the opposite.  When I feel over stressed or over tired, I tend to toss and turn at night.  Yesterday the lack of sleep caught up to me and I feel asleep on the couch for a couple of hours unexpectedly.  Yes, it felt good to take my nap but it then gave me a more difficult time to fall asleep last night...  I'm really hoping that one of these days I am able to find a system that works for me and I'll be able to catch up on all of this lost sleep...

I'm still working on finding my niche at work (since I've switched buildings/age groups) and I'm hoping that I'm not failing miserably in the process.  I feel as if some people are open to me and my ideas but other people just talk about me behind my back.  That's not a good feeling.  I don't want to change my personality just to placate my coworkers but I don't want the group of them (or even a couple of them) to stage a coup behind my back because they don't like my personality.  I know because I work with people, I am always going to run into someone that doesn't like me or my personality but I can't have it effect how I do my job - work still has to get done regardless.  I just have to work on finding a balancing act that I can live with.

In the midst of me trying to find time to catch up on sleep and to balance life with coworkers, I am also still desperately attempting to change how I look on the outside (both with my weight loss but work on my own personal "style" as well).  As it cools off here, I know that I can't wear an oversized sweatshirt to work every day (even thought I'm one who really LOVES to wear an oversized sweatshirt) so I have to find things to wear that are both functional as well as comfortable.  That, for me, has always been somewhat of a struggle.  I guess I just have to decide, for me, what I want my "style" to be.

In order to decide what I want my style to be, I think first I need to decide who I want to be.  That is not an easy task (as you've read in past posts, I have been trying to define who "me" is for the last 4 years) and I'm struggling with it.  People tell me that I can be whoever I want to be but they don't tell me how.  I'm not too bad at helping others determine who they are but when it comes to myself, I don't really know where to start.  That's something I need to put on my To Do list I think though and make myself a priority (my sister pointed out tonight that I need to put it on my Now List not my Sometime in the Future List).

Now I'm not one to go against good advice that my sister gives me so I guess I need to prioritize my To Do list and make sure that I put some things for myself on there.  I have a tendency to place other people at higher priority on my To Do list and the things for me move down in order to make room.  I need to stop doing that.  Something to put on my To Do list I guess.  =)

That being said, I think I'm going to bring this to a close for this evening and I will write again next week.  I have a busy week ahead (including a dance performance that includes a troupe dance as well as a solo piece) so I should probably attempt to get some sleep tonight...