I got a slight promotion at work and am in a position where I feel as if I can make a difference, however I know that it is going to be a struggle. It means more work/responsibilities and it also means hearing that not everyone is too thrilled with me being selected for the position. I know that this comes with any job and I will just have to work through it; proving that I was the best candidate for the position. Only time will tell.
Last night I had a dance solo performance and I felt pretty good about it. I truly felt as if I "heard" the music and I danced my emotions. I even got one of the highest compliments I think I could receive from the coordinator of the show; as she announced me she said that she wished she could dance like I do (and she's been dancing for I don't even know how long). However, after thinking about my performance, one of the things I've been thinking about is I didn't smile as much as I could have (something I have been working on since the beginning of my dancing).
This morning I sang a solo at church and everyone said that it sounded really good - - all I remember was I messed up the words in one place. Granted, I know that no one else knew the words to the song I was singing, but it's one I don't know how many times and feel as if it was a mistake that shouldn't have happened...
Then tonight, I had another belly dance performance that included two troupe dances and then I did a solo (as did 3 other troupe members) and I feel as if I didn't "feel" the music tonight as I did last night. Yes, people told me that I did a great job and my instructor told me that I my face was much more "alive" tonight as opposed to last night's performance. I just don't feel as if, in general, I did as well tonight as I did last night.
I guess it truly just boils down to me being my own worst critic. I have still be struggling with self-image issues; unfortunately there are times when I look in the mirror and see myself 100+ pounds ago (part of this could come from being at a bit of a plateau weight-loss wise; but I guess that's just something else for me to continue to work on).
Maybe I need to try and do something that I read about a while ago... I read in a book that it was recommended to take one month and write down something good/positive you have done each day. By the end of the month, go back and re-read what you have written in your own words (it's one thing for someone else to point out what you have accomplished, it's something else entirely to have to point it out to yourself).
I guess for today, I could say that I helped two girls (I think they were 9 and 11) who were both doing their debut belly dance solos. They were sisters and they were both extremely nervous (they happened to go on one after another right after I performed). I talked with both of them before I went on and I hopefully helped to calm their nerves - I told them to go out there, enjoy themselves and the audience would love them. Since they went on right after I did, unfortunately I wasn't able to see them perform. However, I did see them later with huge smiles on their faces. That did make me feel good.
Well, since I have had a very busy weekend and have had emotional ups and downs, I should probably bring this to a close since my alarm clock will be ringing very early in the AM. We'll see how the positive thinking goes in the next few days.....
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