One of the things that I did notice about turning 30 is my world didn't fall apart (which is a good thing). I also noticed that I don't necessarily have any more input than I did when I was 29 either. But I did get a good piece of advice for my birthday, "who says life has to end at 30?! You can make this the BEST time of your life yet!!" I hope to....
Something else I noticed, I noticed a few days after my birthday - - the indent on my left ring finger caused by my wedding band is no longer visible. I'm not entirely sure how I feel about that. I mean, it is yet another outward symbol of me moving on (and it's been almost two years since the wasband left) but I guess I had just gotten used to the indent being on my finger.
I guess these new discoveries lead me to a new/different/scary transition point in my life. There are times I feel as if I've had so many transitions in the past 23 months that I am just like a snowflake or a raindrop twisting and twirling in the wind or a wave being tossed about by the ocean. I guess it's time for me to try and take hold of my life rather than just leaving it all up to fate.
Like I said last week, I don't want to fight anymore... Yes, I have a "spirit" to me that I don't want to diminish but it gets so tiring fighting life all of the time. Maybe being so tired comes from fighting decisions that I have been faced with lately that may lead me down a different path in life. I have another potential opportunity this coming week (another job interview) that I am interested in but wary as well. I don't want to get my hopes up too much just in case it falls through, but this opportunity would open up other doors/opportunities for me as well (more money would allow for me to go back to school and have a slightly bigger apartment than the one I have now; it would also allow for me to grow professionally). I guess all I can do is interview my best and go from there...
Yes, that may sound like I am just leaving things up to fate but when it comes to interviewing there is only just so much that I could do. I can answer the questions to the best of my capabilities and then the decision making process really does leave my control. Just have to wait and see...
Maybe I need to apply one of the songs we use during transition time in my classroom (we use this particular song during clean-up time which is pretty apparent...). The song lyrics are "Clean-up! Clean-up! Everybody, everywhere! Clean-up! Clean-up! Everybody do your share!" I guess it's time to roll up my sleeves and clean-up some of the more "dirty" corners of my life. Time to plug in the iPod, since I don't have my own eight-track player, (we used Dad's old eight-track tapes to clean to growing up - and yes, they were old then) and clean in time to the music.
On a more positive note, I have a belly dance solo that I will be working on this upcoming week for a performance a week from today. It is a show that is being performed at a restaurant and the theme of the show is Halloween (so "my" song, I Put a Spell on You is ironically appropriate). =)
I will let my readers know how the cleaning goes and how the performance goes next time. =)
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