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What do I want?.....

This is a question that has been posed to me to ponder. I can't say that it has an easy answer. But if it had an easy answer, the question wouldn't be posed to someone on a quest. There are things that I definitely want out of life but I don't know at this point what is/isn't a reality or in the cards for me.

• I would love to become a trainer of teachers (I think that I could do a good job passing my knowledge on to other educators) or an assistant director of a child care facility (in my opinion, director wouldn't be for me because in my experience, I wouldn't ever get to spend time with the kids in the center, I'd be too busy doing paperwork and other administrative duties).
• I would also love to get married again and to have kids of my own (not just have the kids that I work with).
• I would like to live closer to family (if it would be possible based on a job - I know that everyone has become hard-hit by the goings on in the economy but I would like a better paying job possibly in a different location).
• I would also enjoy going back to school to work on my Master's degree.
• And, last but not least, continue to belly dance.

Maybe I'm being a little greedy but I don't believe that I am. I have had a lot of things that have brought me down in the last two years and I am trying to find ways to continue to come back from that better than ever.

Part of my problem is I am concerned with what others want for my life. There was a point in my life where I didn't really care what others wanted - I was only focused on myself. From what I remember of that point in my life (I was a teenager - - and was self-absorbed as most teenagers are), I wasn't necessarily happy. So, since then, I have tried to find happiness in making others happy. Because of wanting to please others, I have often put on hold my own wants/needs/desires.

I'm not saying that there is something wrong with wanting to please others because I actually still have a strong desire to want to please others. I just have to learn when it's important to my own sanity/well-being to focus on myself first. For me, at least, it's kind of odd to have that as an option. I don't want to disappoint anyone, however, I need to also focus on what I feel I need to do.

A friend of mine reminded me of a song this past week and I have been listening to it pretty much ever since. The song is "Stand" by Rascal Flatts.

You feel like a candle in a hurricane
Just like a picture with a broken frame
Alone and helpless
Like you've lost your fight
But you'll be alright, you'll be alright

[Chorus:]
Cause when push comes to shove
You taste what you're made of
You might bend, till you break
Cause its all you can take
On your knees you look up
Decide you've had enough
You get mad, you get strong
Wipe your hands, shake it off
Then you Stand, Then you stand

Life's like a novel
With the end ripped out
The edge of a canyon
With only one way down
Take what you're given before its gone
Start holding on, keep holding on

Cause when push comes to shove
You taste what you're made of
You might bend till you break
Cause it's all you can take
On your knees you look up
Decide you've had enough
You get mad, you get strong
Wipe your hands, shake it off
Then you stand, then you stand

Every time you get up
And get back in the race
One more small piece of you
Starts to fall into place
Oh

[Repeat Chorus]

When I feel like things are falling apart, I think I just need to remind myself to listen to this song... If I figure anything out between now and next week, I will be sure to include it in my post next week.

P.S. If you haven't seen the movie Gypsy (and you would like to understand about the cow on my blog), it will be on TCM this coming Thursday (check your local listing). =)