In just about a month I will be turning the big 3-0 and I am just starting to learn thing about myself. I am enjoying this discovery but it is difficult as well. It's almost like being a teenager all over again.... YUCK! I really didn't enjoy much of my teenage years....
One of the things I have realized throughout my quest thus far is I am in a situation where I have the unique opportunity to re-invent myself. I no longer have to fit into the mold that has been created by people along the way through my life. I don't want to forget those individuals or the "me" they helped create, but there is something I can do to change things now.
I have been told who I should be most of my life; especially been told that by guys I've dated. I have been told that I've been too heavy, too thin, to smart, too opinionated, ... but no one ever seemed to truly like me for me. Maybe that's because I didn't truly like me for me. There have been times where I feel as if I'm so busy taking care of others that I haven't taken time to take care of myself. This is something that I definitely want to work on.
I'm not sure exactly the person that I want to end up but I do know some things that I do want:
- I want to continue to learn/perform belly dance
- I don't want to be an afterthought
- I'm working on not being invisible
- I want to love and be loved again
- even though I work with kids, I would like at least one of my own someday
- I eventually want to go back to school, work on my Master's degree
I know that none of these things will come easy and they won't come quickly. But that's part of life and my quest. I am finding that each passing day holds new surprises, some good and some bad, but each day holds new possibilities as well. If I let opportunities pass me by, I limit the possibilities for my life. I want to make time count. I want to make my time and my quest count for something. Even if the end result is finding myself and helping one person along the way.
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