Where does the time go?

Looking at the date today, I can't believe where the time has gone... It has been 11 months since my "wasband" left me a letter saying he was leaving me and that he had moved out. Yes, I received this information in a letter. If that wasn't shock enough, he claims to have told me the reasons behind all of this in the letter and that information isn't in the letter. Maybe one day I'll come to terms with not knowing the reasons...

From the changing of the seasons I know that time has passed, I just sometimes have trouble realizing it's been almost a year. Looking back, I know a lot has happened so it has to be almost a year - - my wasband left me, served me with divorce papers two days after what would have been our 5 year anniversary, my divorce has become finalized, I have moved into my own apartment (my first one ever), I have lost just over 50 lbs., and I am realizing what I can do on my own.

I used to think I needed my wasband to do things for me. I now realize that I liked the things he did for me but I didn't and don't need him. Yes, it would be nice to have a husband and have my own family but I don't need to have one.

There are still times where I question where my future is leading me but I know that I will just have to wait and see. I know that I've been writing a lot about the future, but I think that's because it's so uncertain. Yes, the future is uncertain for everyone, but there are times that my future aren't necessarily dark/black, but it's fuzzy. I guess I just feel that with this VERY fuzzy last year, that I would have a glimpse into one part of my future. While I realize that I have no reason to think I'm going to get that glimpse, it would still be nice....

But on the other hand, if we, as humans, were given the opportunity to see the future, we would probably do something to screw it up. Although it's difficult to believe 100% of the time, I know that as a human, I don't always make the best decisions. If I knew what my future held, I would either get scared and run the other direction or I would make a decision that would change my future. So, I guess it's best that my future is fuzzy....

I am working on being okay with what my future holds (even if I don't know what it is). I want to send a BIG thank you to my family and friends who are helping to encourage me to find the joy in the day to day journey.