Glad my lights are back on =)

When your lights are off for almost 24 hours, there's not a lot you can do. Last night, I had some paperwork to do for my job and I had to complete that by candlelight (no wonder my eyes have been sore all day). When I finally finished the paperwork, my apartment was really quiet. So I decided to turn on my computer and watch a movie. Luckily, my laptop had enough power to get me through the movie and then I decided to go to bed.

While I was laying in the dark, I did a lot of thinking. I've actually had lots of time to think lately... I haven't necessarily liked some of the thoughts that have been floating around in my head. Have you ever felt like no matter what choices you make, you are disappointing someone? Even if at the time you feel as if it's a decision you need/have to make? That's how I've been feeling lately...

This last week, I decided to get my second tattoo. I had the outline of a phoenix and lotus flower put on the top of my right foot. I chose this design because the phoenix rises from the ashes and a lotus flower grows in mud but is a beautiful flower. I wanted a reminder of this so I chose to have it put on my foot so I could see it (I also chose this location because I knew it would hurt and thought after this last year, I needed it to hurt). I didn't want to have it filled in because I don't feel as if I'm filled in yet.

Someone asked me the question, "why didn't you just get a picture to hang on the wall instead of getting a tattoo?" My answer is, I need a reminder that I can take with me, see anytime I need a reminder of where I've been in my past and where I hope my life will lead me in the future.

This wasn't a snap decision, I've actually been thinking about it for the last year. I was going back and forth between getting a phoenix and a lotus flower but then I found the design that was a combination of the two. I'm very pleased with the design but I feel bad that it's upsetting to other people. I know that eventually, once it's fully healed, I can cover it up with a shoe and then it will just be for me.

There are some things I feel I need to do for me. I can actually do things for me. That's not a concept I've fully grasped yet. I also don't know where those things will lead me yet, and even though the journey is scary, I'm going to continue on my way. As someone wise reminded me, "there is a joy in the journey..."