Question posed...

I was texting my parents this past week and they told me about a question that should become one of my new mantras along my quest - "what would you do if you weren't afraid?"  I really wish I knew how I would answer that question because, at the moment, I don't have an answer and I don't like that I don't have an answer...

I know that it takes a lot of courage and bravery to answer a question like that and I'm trying to determine whether or not I have that amount of courage and bravery.  Yes, I have overcome some pretty obstacles and maybe one of the reasons I'm questioning my level of courage/bravery currently is because so much of it is already devoted to this leap of faith/moving adventure that is looming in front of me.  Later this week, my POD moving/storage unit will be delivered for me to fill and I'm not done packing yet.  I'm trying very hard not to beat myself up too much over this fact but that is definitely easier said than done for me.

All of this is not helped with the fact that my past crashed in on me this past week.  This past week would have marked my 13th wedding anniversary and emotions hit me pretty hard this year.  I know a lot of that has to do with all of the other changes that are happening currently in my life but that didn't help calm down the all of the things I was feeling.  At this point, I can look back with fondness of the memories from that day but it didn't make it any easier when the emotions came crashing down on me.  I am a much different person that who I was 13 years ago when we got married; I am a much different person than who I was 8 years ago when he walked away; I know I can do this (somehow) but I am still extremely scared...

I'm sure some of why the emotions broke through this past week is I'm starting to say my "good-byes" and those have never been an easy thing for me.  When I was little and we were visiting with family when it came time to say "good-bye," I could often be found hiding in the car because I didn't want to have to say good-bye.  Things have gotten a little better as I've gotten older in the sense that I don't hide in the car anymore but the time to say "good-bye" is still not an easy one for me.  Lots of families are saying their good-byes as they move away and I am having to say my good-byes after having been here for almost nine years.

I did do something responsible this past week and I had my car checked out before making the big move.  I found a place that was local that could check it out, I called, made an appointment and took it in before work this past week.  Not only did it pass every test with flying colors, they did the inspection complementary - they had told me that I would only get charged if they found something wrong so I thought they were going to find something so I would have to pay - so I was excited that they didn't find any problems.

Well, my dear readers, I should probably bring this to a close, ponder my original question of "what would you do if you weren't afraid?" as I pack a couple of boxes before I head to bed.  Wish me luck that all of my packing comes together in the week ahead so I can prepare for my upcoming adventure...  Thank you for joining me!  =)