Ready for bed...

It has been a very long week both at work and in contemplating some things in my own life.  I also had a very long day today - spending upwards of 8 hours moving furniture and trying to make some sense of the chaos that is my bedroom...

Back at the beginning of September, I don't know if you recall but one of my dogs had a ruptured access, required surgery and I ended up sleeping on the couch with him.  I hate to say it, but since then (other than when I was out of state at training and on vacation), I have been sleeping on the couch.  Some of it was out of sheer laziness and I hate to admit that since it sounds horrible...  My bed had become covered with laundered clothing and random belly dance costume items/accessories. I have also had the same bedspread/sheets on the bed for as long as I can remember (don't worry; they had been washed on a semi-regular basis).

Today I bought a new bedspread set, new sheets, a new bedside lamp and some wall decorations.  Where I live, I'm not allowed to paint the walls or put holes in the walls.  I have become very savvy with Command Hooks (LOVE them!!) and to liven up my bedroom, I got a roll of vinyl wallpaper essentially and it brought a lot of fun to my bedroom.

Because I bought the new bedding and accessories, I decided to move furniture around in my bedroom.  You can't really tell from the photo but I have a tiny bedroom with too much stuff in it so it took roughly 8 hours to get the bed where I wanted it and get this much accomplished.  What you can't see in the photo is how much still needs to find a new home in the room - luckily I have tomorrow off of work and I can hopefully get more in the room done.

What brought on this sudden change you may ask...  I had reread one of my favorite books this week where in it a life coach who encourages others to basically embrace their muchness feels as if her own life is a lie.  She wears boring/drab clothes, lives in a house she hates, hides from someone she has feelings for while encouraging others to go outside of their comfort zone to embrace their "true" inner self.  Lately I have felt as if I have been working so hard to encourage/build up those around me (at dance/work/other aspects of my life) that I have gone by the wayside.  Something that just came to me - I don't know if I have been subconsciously been punishing myself for that by continuing to sleep on the couch; interesting perspective to think about...

I've been feeling lost at work again (lots going on and working too many hours so that definitely doesn't help), feeling as if I've plateaued at dance (in addition I'm supposed to perform a solo on Saturday and I have no idea what I'm going to dance to...), I'm nowhere near where I want to be weight-wise and I've been beating myself up for all of these things and more....  Because I am so busy building up those around me, it brings me no time (or energy) to build myself up.  One of the things my Mom reminded me of was "homework" that was assigned to me when I was in therapy after my divorce - I was tasked with writing myself a letter as if the letter was being written for a dear friend.  It was an interesting/challenging assignment to say the least.  Mom suggested I write a similar letter to myself again.  It would be an interesting read...

Well, my dear readers, needless to say, I am ready for my bed tonight.  I think I'm going to take some pain relievers (since my muscles are starting to protest all of the work I did today), maybe read a little bit and then head to bed.  I hope we all have opportunities to find/embrace our muchness this week and not feel as if we have to hide or as if our lives are a lie.  Thank you for joining me along my quest!