I'm not ready...

I am definitely not ready to have to go back to the "real world" tomorrow...  I am headed back to work after three weeks off (two weeks on vacation and the third week the building was closed for the holidays) and while I know it all has to end at some point, I don't feel ready.  One of the things that concerned me about my vacation is my parents told me that it took a couple of days for me to relax and for them to see "me."  I knew that I've been stressed but I hadn't realized it had gotten so bad; I see now just how bad I had allowed things to become.

While I was on vacation, I had the opportunity to spend lots of time with my parents and one of my two-year-old nephews (who my parents watch while my brother and sister-in-law are at work); I wish I would have had the opportunity to spend more time with my seven-year-old nephew, my other two-year-old nephew, my sister, my brother and sister-in-law, and my other brother but I understand that life does have to go on even if I'm there visiting.  What was nice is having the freedom to do what I wanted during my time off; sure, I woke up early to help with the little monster when he was dropped off but it was nice to not feel like I was being pulled in a thousand different directions at every turn.  There were some things that I did that were scheduled but I didn't necessarily feel as if I had to do those things and it was nice to have the option to sit and read or take a nap when I wanted.

I have also realized that one of the reasons for how I've been feeling the last number of days is the fact I am homesick.  I absolutely love any amount of time that I get to spend with my family and it's hard to be the one that lives so far away.  I haven't understood until recently how difficult it must have been for my parents - they are the ones who both moved away from their families and had to make it on their own; only getting to see family once, maybe twice a year if they were lucky.  I know that my parent's choices influenced my own (my dad was in the military when we were little and the wasband was in the military) but I guess I didn't realize just how difficult it would be at times.

From spending time with my nephews this trip, I see just how much I've missed out on since my last visit.  Both of the two-year-olds (one is my sister's son and the other is my brother's son - amazingly the boys were born two days apart) have grown/changed so much since I was there this past May and the seven-year-old is in school and definitely growing up.  Because I work with kids I see on a daily basis just how fast kids grow up and I think that makes me miss my nephews all the more.  Maybe one of these days I'll get to spend more time with them and/or have the opportunity to live closer to where they are; unfortunately today is not that day.

I know that I should be thankful to have a job, and when it comes down to it I am, but there are definitely times where I struggle with my job.  One of the things I'm going to do in this upcoming year (notice I didn't write "plan on" or "hope to"....  I'm going to) is I'm going to make work my job and not have it be my entire life.  In an effort to make this a reality, my plan is to meet with my boss to create a schedule for myself rather than having my shift be the hours the building is open and then some.  By creating a schedule for myself for work, I know that I can then plan other aspects of my life accordingly.

In an effort to prepare myself for not only my first day back at work but the week ahead, I'm going to bring this to a close for the evening.  I was able to accomplish my goals for today and then some:  my original goals were to complete unpacking from my trip (since I still hadn't), go grocery shopping and to vacuum the living room; in addition to those things I also, cleaned out my pantry cupboards (threw out quite a bit of expired food), did a little bit of laundry and I even did the dishes.  YAY ME!  Well, my dear readers, I think I have earned some time of just sitting on the couch and vegging before (hopefully) heading to bed at a decent time so I can get up bright and early for work.  I hope 2015 brings opportunities for each of us (you, my dear readers, and me) to express our individuality and not feel the need to explain ourselves to others.  =)