Armor vs. shackles

I just saw something on Facebook that has me thinking...  There was an anonymous quote posted which reads: "Wear your tragedies as armor, not shackles."  In certain aspects of my life, I know I'm doing the latter and I want to, no I'm going to, turn them into armor instead.  I don't want those aspects to continue to weigh me down and keep me from becoming who I'm meant to be along my quest.  I know that I'm not 100% sure who that person is yet but I'm working on becoming her all the time.

One of the ways I know that I'm throwing off the shackles of a tragedy is wrapping up paying off the last of the debt from my divorce.  This past week, I even got a certificate from the company that consolidated my debt to tell me that my account balance is now zero.  Looking back at the original amount of things, it impresses me that it's completely taken care of at this point and the fact that it's finally over.  In the time it took me to pay it all off (longer actually than I've been writing Gypsy's Quest), I've learned quite a few things about myself...

I've learned that when push comes to shove, I'm going to face challenges (even ones that seem insurmountable) head on.  When I face those challenges, even though it might be difficult and take time, I'm going to overcome them one way or another.  Because of the amount of money that was being paid monthly, there were lots of times I went without things I wanted in order to have the funds to take care of business.  I had to take care of that business because I got myself into that mess (and the wasband wasn't blameless in it, I was just assigned the bulk of it during the divorce proceedings - even though I definitely didn't see it as fair) and it was up to me to get myself out of said mess.  There is a sense of accomplishment now that it's over and there is also a sense of pride that comes from knowing it's all finished.

I've learned that I work really well with having a goal in mind - even if it's a long term goal.  While it was a big work in progress, I took it one payment/month at a time and was then able to accomplish my goal.  I'm going to use this knowledge with a new challenge that has been set forth in front of me.  My sister has invited me to join her in a weight loss/fitness challenge and I think it's good for me to have that motivation from her and a goal in mind.  I've always seemed to do well when having that piece of accountability with another person and I'm ready to be accountable to her as well as to myself in order to reach my goal.  I know that I'm never going to be a size 6 but I can work on having a more positive self image of myself and to lose some of the weight that I no longer want to carry.  I will be sure to keep you posted along this other aspect of my journey.

I learned that I don't need someone else to necessarily rescue me.  This dragon I was able to slay on my own.  Yes, I had the support of others, but at the end of the day, I had to face the fire on my own.  While there are times it does get exhausting to be so emotionally strong all of the time, it is very nice for me to know on this level that I can do it.  I think my next challenge is going to be to know how/when to ask for help when I feel as if I can no longer do things on my own.  I have thought in the past that asking for help is a sign of weakness; I have to get myself to the point that isn't necessarily the case.  I have to realize for myself when I need some sort of assistance - even if it's just to have a pat on the back telling me that I can.

Well, my dear readers, I have actually given myself quite a bit to think about over the next week or so.  When thinking about these things, I'm going to embrace those moments in which I can let my freak flag fly!  I hope you can do the same!