I thought about it before going to bed last night, at the dance studio today and while I was talking to my Mom on the phone today. In an effort to understand muchness even more, being the nerd that I am, I looked up the 'official' definition of muchness on-line today. According to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary online, muchness is defined as "the quality or state of being great in quantity, extent or degree." Another website had a different definition of muchness that I think fits better in my situation - "the joy, the spark of light and positivity that fuels our days, our imaginations, our individuality and confidence." When looking at the second and more fitting (for me) of those definitions, I feel that, I, like Alice have lost my muchness...
If you haven't noticed (I know I've noticed), there has been something "off" in my writing as of late because I feel as if there has been something "off" with me as of late. Now that I have this definition of muchness, I think what has been "off" is me feeling like I have lost my muchness. Without realizing it, I have either lost or have had the spark of light/positivity blown out and by having that happen, creativity/inspiration/imagination has been difficult to come by (all traits that are very important when it comes to writing). Even now, as I sit here thinking/writing/painting my nails hot pink with glitter nail polish, I am finding it somewhat difficult to conjure the muchness necessary to write. I must find a way to reclaim my muchness... Any ideas?
I think some of it comes from not really doing anything for myself in quite some time (I can't believe it's been six weeks now since I took myself whale watching...) and that really needs to change. I've been pushing myself so hard between work and dance that while at the Studio this past Wednesday during rehearsal, my knee buckled and has been giving me issues since. Of course, we have a HUGE performance tomorrow where we'll be dancing on the main stage so today after class, I have spent quite a bit of the day sitting on the couch and propping my leg up on the footstool in an effort to help it feel better. Even if it's sore tomorrow, I'll dance through the pain and brace it before/after if that's what I need to do. Because I've been pushing myself so hard, I've also been finding it way too convenient to come up with excuses not to work out - which is something else that I also need to change.
As I was sitting here thinking of what to write next, I received an e-mail from someone very dear to me that made me giggle. With that giggle brought a thought - laughter really is a good medicine and children know it. If you've ever spent any amount of time with children, they laugh and anything/everything/nothing (sometimes they laugh for no reason at all) and children, in my opinion, have muchness in spades. Maybe I need to find one thing each day to make me giggle -- it can be as simple as reading something silly online, to laughing at something my dogs have done, listening to a silly song, ANYTHING! But I think that's something that I need to make a priority. I tend to focus on the details of everything (if you haven't been able to tell from my writings, I'm a perfectionist - big time!) that I lose sight of other things around me sometimes. I think I can still be a perfectionist but I also need to remember to find pleasure in the small things and maybe that will help reinstate my muchness. We'll see.
Well, my dear readers, since I have my huge dance show tomorrow, I should probably bring this to a close and finish getting everything ready for the performance. I hope, if nothing else, tomorrow is a day filled with wonder and muchness!
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