Well, I made it....

At church today, the choir sang a piece that I didn't think I would be able to sing all the way through. The piece we sang was a combination of two songs - Be Still My Soul and You Raise Me Up (made popular by Josh Groban and Celtic Woman). The first song, Be Still My Soul, I sang as a solo at my Grandfather's funeral so it always brings back memories. Then, You Raise Me Up, reminds me of who has been there for me through this very difficult last 15 months. Needless to say, it was a difficult piece to get through for me...

Because I knew this was the song we were going to sing during the church service today, I've been listening to many different songs that talk about overcoming obstacles and adversity. I know that what has happened in my life the last 15 months isn't the worst thing that could ever happen to a person, it has been challenging for me. I know that I still have a lot to work on, but I will get there eventually.

One of the things that I was able to overcome this week was meeting with my wasband. We sold the washer/dryer that has been in storage for the last 6 months or so and I was there to meet with the buyers. Although some people will think I shouldn't have, I talked with my wasband for a bit after the sale was complete. I was able to get some things off of my chest and I feel at least a little better after talking with him.

While it was difficult dealing with him, I think it was necessary at this point in my quest. I was attracted to my wasband at very first glance and every time I see him, those initial feelings come back. Like every time before, those feelings came back when I saw him this week, but after thinking about it, those feelings weren't as strong this time. Part of me will always love him; I was married to him for 5 years and wanted to have his children......

When he first left, he told me that he wanted to try and stay "friends." That confused me because I couldn't see how we could possibly go from being man and wife to just being friends. Granted, I'm not saying at this point I want to be friends with him, but I am determined not to hate him and "I must remember these feelings and to use this in my acting...." (original FAME movie).

I want to move on from this experience and strive to be a better person in the long run. I don't know where life is going to lead me or when I'm going to get there, but I will get there eventually....